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I'd be happy then

How many times did you catch yourself thinking, if I get this or achieve that “I’d be happy then”? Let me ask you, this feeling after you have achieved or got what you so desperately wanted, did it last long? I bet no.

So why do you want things or achieve certain things? Wanting comes from many different places, advertisement, role models, influencers, society, relationships, and needs. The later is self explanatory, the others are not. Did you notice what all of these expect “needs” have in common? These are outside influences driven by other people. Yes, other people – collectives or individuals a like.

So why do you want what you want? It is human to be social, to want to fit in, and therefore to mimic other people’s behavior. I mean this is essentially what led us (humans) to become what we are today. These social creatures working in groups for a better standard of living for us as a collective.

Is mimicking really what makes us happy individuals or just all lookalikes and unhappy? Wanting is something that comes natural to us as humans. It’s something so deeply intrinsic, it’s our survival mechanism. When we are hungry we want food, when we are cold we want the comfort of warmth, when we are thirsty we want something to drink, when we are feeling lonely we want company, when we are scared we want the safety of comfort. Wanting is simply the answer to full-fill our needs. It becomes problematic when we are wanting things which are not full-filling our needs.

So why do I feel not fulfilled once I have what I wanted? Let me tell you, the thing you want is never actually the thing YOU want. When our desires come from other people, we will always think we lack something that they have. As soon as we get what they have, we may feel fulfilled for a day or two but as soon as this time passed the feeling fades. We are left wondering. We start thinking maybe it’s just the wrong model. So we are going from one model to the next, it’s a game that never ends.

So how do I discover what I truly need? You can through constant observation and reflection. Don’t get me wrong, you should not avoid desires at all. After all it is human to have desires, it is what makes us love other people. You should only desire less of the things which bring you misery (other peoples wants) and more of the one’s that bring you fulfillment (your needs).